One week after that post, Fred and Dorothy (my amazing in-laws) stopped by to visit for the weekend and reinforced my realization that we as humans need to reach out to one another. Their presence always calms me (seriously, I sleep about twice as much whenever we visit them in Iowa than I do anywhere else), and I LOVE that music is a shared passion between them. I can't count the number of instruments they play or how many songs they've created, but I can always see their partnership when they play together. Dorothy completely shocked me when she told me that she had written a song for me after reading my latest blog entry. As I listened, I cried and I felt pounds lighter as I realized that she and Fred were making a partnership with me in one of the coolest ways: music. I can't tell you how much her song touched my heart, and the lyrics will be framed and kept in our house as soon as I find a worthy frame.
You see, the day before Dorothy and Fred played "Going Down This Road With A Smile," I had a positive pregnancy test - the first time ever. I wasn't even excited. I didn't trust the test (called it a few choice words, in fact) and didn't tell Jim for hours. But more about that awesomeness on my next post. I called one of our many "specialists" and they wanted me to come in immediately for blood tests - and I do mean blood testS. Ultimately, I decided not to go for the tests. We did another pregnancy test the next morning and it was positive too, so...why not enjoy a few weeks of blissful joy before having doctors at our 8 week ultrasound trample all over our giddiness by confirming my dark fear that this was just a cruel trick? And holy crap are we giddy. I think this song captures part of our emotions:
Now picture, a 5'4" blur of frenetic energy sprinting around the stage and plowing into all of those dignified musicians as she transforms into the Tasmanian Devil. That's about how I felt. Feel. Amazed. Humbled. Terrified. Powerful.
A lot of people are calling, texting, and messaging us with questions (this second wave of love is no less appreciated, by the way). Here are the nitty gritty details:
- Due date: We're due April 8th which means that we are 18 weeks along
- Gender: We know the gender and are telling family at Thanksgiving ;) A lot of people have been recommending to us that we wait to find out the gender until the baby's born. Totally not doing that. I feel like there are plenty of surprises in life, and when you've been going down the adoption path and struggling to accept that you may know nothing about your baby...ya, I want to celebrate.
- How has the pregnancy been going? Awesome. First trimester I was just wiped out but didn't have any morning sickness or anything like that. This trimester I've been feeling ok although I get nasty headaches and have to fight the urge to eat everything in sight. I don't have any cravings really (apples and laffy taffy for a few days); I just want to eat everything. I've lost a few pounds which the doctors are keeping their eyes on since I don't have any daily nausea to blame. Oh, and I'm stupid. I can't even read out loud without messing everything up. And I keep forgetting my lunch on the counter at home.
- Why did we wait so long to announce? This school year has kicked my butt. At 12 weeks (the "normal" time to come out) a former student that I coached and was very close to committed suicide. At 14 weeks a current student attempted suicide. Then at 17 weeks we got some scary test results (more about that in a later post). It seemed like whenever we got on our feet we got knocked around a little. After the test results came back negative for spina bifida we were both like, "GO, GO, GO!!! Hurry before anything jumps out of the shadows!!!"
- So...how did you guys get pregnant? Yes. I've been asked this. A lot. Since we decided to start the adoption process, we stopped going to the specialists. (*EDIT: Jim would like me to point out that it was not the mailman* - and yes, he wanted "was not" left alone rather than having it as a contraction because keeping it separate makes the point more emphatically) So...there you go!
- Are we still adopting? Unfortunately, there's no way we can afford to do both at the same time. However, we are hoping to adopt our second kiddo. Having started the process, I feel...incomplete or unresolved. Our principal asks that we email him something that made us smile over the summer to kick off our staff meeting at the beginning of the school year. We didn't know if we were actually pregnant at that point, and I was genuinely excited about adopting so I emailed him about our decision to adopt. (And yes, I think a HUGE part of me was scared to really accept the fact that we could be pregnant. Kind of like, "If I hold back a part of my heart, I won't be as devastated when the doctor tells us the tests were false positives." Ya right!) The bottom line is, we opened our minds and hearts to adoption, and we're just delaying it a little bit.
Ok, that's it for now. :) The next couple of posts will have pics of our kiddo, the way I told Jim (seriously, could he be any cuter?), and more information about those test results.
